My Birthday

It was so much fun! We went to Disneyland, and I was very much confused as to why we are at a place that I am almost always at. Low and Behold! Club 33! Rayko has been planning this for months and what did I do? SCREW IT ALL UP!! Angry at myself for acting like such a stubborn spoiled little brat/b** I was giving everyone around me a fit and attitude, saying Club 33 wasn't a huge deal and I didn't care and when she said she made reservations months ago I crudely said "I don't believe you" *SLAP IN MY FACE!!* That is what I should have received from how I behaved. She is so sweet she stayed calm and polite throughout the whole thing. I read her card and I was teasing it. It's what I do when I care about something so much. I am like those brutes who make fun of little girls because I like them. She is like my older sister! That's how I defend myself there.

After some food (AMAZING food) Mickey & Pluto came back to visit us repeatedly. I think they "like" Kieran. I was smart enough to hide myself in the corner seat to where it became nearly impossible for them to come in full contact with me. >w<
Club 33 is quiet, relaxing, full of nice and proper people I felt so out of place! I had to ask Rayko which fork I use and what to do next etc. I really did enjoy it one I had food and alcohol is my stomach. Before that I had a donut at around 9am? The reservation was at 1:30pm See how much food I had ingested btwn that time? One small thin tortilla wrap. I'm seriously like a baby when I don't have food in my stomach; I bring everyone pain and misery. Do I do it intentionally? No. Why do I do such a thing? I have no fucking clue!

This weekend definitely was a huge punch in the gut, I need to grow up and act like a damn adult, but I don't know how to, I don't know where to start! I don't know who to look up to as an example to base my growing up as. I may probably seem insane and really stupid, But I'm serious!

How do you grow up when your childhood never existed?

Someone answer that and give me something and/or someone to base it off of. I am not a party girl, I actually lose respect of people when I see them drunk. I'm not a crazy girl in the I need to be chained down sort of way. I'm a crazy girl who subconsciously thinks she 5 years old and doesn't want to grow up to be one of the billions of people who are absolute pricks or whore. I live in Hollywood, see how difficult it is for me to see people as mature and grown up?